I was going to talk about how people in relationships need to respect each other’s boundaries, but I gave it a second thought and decided to ditch the idea until the right time comes. It’s a somewhat heavy topic, so much so that I don’t think I can deliver the message accurately and properly. Crazy how (many) people find bare minimums like respect difficult to be done, as if they’re heavy burdens to carry; I know this for a fact because I’ve known enough people whose boundaries are violated by their partners in the name of “love”.
I’m no expert, so I’m keeping this “advice” as straightforward as possible.
The five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch. Maybe you already know this, but I’m still explaining them just in case.
Words of affirmation are any spoken or written words that confirm, support, uplift, and empathize with another person in a positive manner (source: mindbodygreen). You know, the “I love you’s”, compliments, encouragements, solaces, etc. The most common love language, according to Gary Chapman.
Quality time is time in which one’s child, partner, or other loved person receives one’s undivided attention, in such a way as to strengthen the relationship (source: Oxford Languages). I’m sure this one is pretty simple to understand; you spend time with your loved ones, whether it be your partner or your friends, doing something together without any distraction.
Receiving gifts is feeling love from all of those small presents that one’s partner gets them (source: Crated with Love). No, it’s not rooted in materialism. You can give them a painted pebble and say “I made this for you” and they will be so grateful, they might even protect the pebble forever.
Acts of service is a language that can best be described as doing something for your partner that you know they would like, such as filling up their gas, watering their plants, or cooking them a meal. When you give acts of service, you give up your time (source: Verywell Mind).
Physical touch refers to expressing and receiving affection through touch, physical closeness, and other forms of physical connection (source: mindbodygreen). It’s not necessarily about romantic, intimate touch; people with this love language also feels so much comfort and affection from hugs, massages, etc.
Love languages exist as the best forms of communication, and everyone speaks at least one of them. It’s how we show how much we care without actually admitting how much we care. Our personal love language is actually our personal opinion on the best form of love (some believe that it’s something we lack of in our childhood). However, there’s a rule you need to understand: It’s not about your love language, it’s always about your partner’s. Say, yours is physical touch and theirs is receiving gifts. Of course you can touch them with their consent, but it’s not encouraging strong bond anytime soon if you completely ignore that they like gifts. Worse, if they’re not comfortable with your love language but you keep speaking it instead of theirs.
The rule goes both ways – you have to speak theirs, and they have to speak yours. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it and you definitely have to try. That’s how you connect beautifully to the love of your life. That’s how the relationship stays robust.
Oh, and love languages are not only for people who are dating or married! They’re also for parents-children, grandparents-grandchildren, siblings, friends, etc. Again, the rule applies for everyone. You see, parents have to speak their children’s love language, and vice versa.
To Muslims celebrating Eid with your loved ones: Salam Eid al-Fitr! I wish you and your loved ones all blessings of Eid al-Fitr. Do spend quality time with your loved ones, but still remember to respect their boundaries! Also, try your best to speak their love language to make this year’s Eid more meaningful. Most importantly, don’t forget to do ibadat.
Eternally Chanel 